Wednesday, 10 October 2007

The Queen on The Queen

Many people wonder, what must I have thought about the movie The Queen. I have to say that I only watched it recently when it came out on DVD. As you can imagine, I can't just pop out to the cinema anytime I please, so I sent one of my servants to buy a copy so that I might enjoy it in the privacy of my own home. Having watched it, I thought I would share my thoughts.

I have been portrayed many times, Jeanette Charles did a wonderful job in Naked Gun: From the files of the police squad. I appeared on The Simpsons and unfortunately on South Park. I didn't have a very large role in Whatever Love Means - it's always about Charles and Camilla isn't it? So, it was wonderful to be portrayed so realistically in a movie. Helen Mirren flatters ME in the role. She has my walk, talk and pensive look down pat. Also, I haven't been that slim since the 1970's.

The film covers the events following the death of Diana. The outpouring of grief and my reaction, or lack of reaction during that week. Everyone made a big deal about the fact that I didn't just rush back to London, or put a flag at half-mast at Buckingham Palace Looking back on it now, I can see that maybe I handled things wrong - I'm a traditionalist you know. But, it's been 10 years since Diana died. Why are all of you still on about her all the time?

I would however, like to clear up some innacuracies in the movie:

I did not dislike Diana, as Cherie Blair claims, nor would I have 'greased the brakes' as Tony Blair's lackey jokes in the movie. I have other ways of disposing of people.

If my vehicle were to break down in a remote area, I would fix it myself. As my character mentioned in the movie, I was a mechanic during the war. The movie portrayed ME as being helpless, having to call one of the men to retrieve ME. I've heard that, in order to research the role, Helen Mirren took an auto mechanic's course. So obviously, they cut out the scene where I jack up the car myself.

While I was sitting there, waiting to be rescued, the stag came along. Do they really think I would have let an opportunity to bag such a creature, go by? It would have looked nice on my wall but of course we have to pander to the public don't we? Be politically correct. We wanted you to like ME and seeing ME with a gun in my hand wouldn't have been appropriate now would it? So, some 'business man' shot it instead.

Prince Philip does not call ME 'Cabbage'

I don't wander around in my bathrobe all the time and I actually do work while I'm at Balmoral.

Otherwise the movie was a realistic portrayal of ME. As I'm still your sovereign and still a grandmother I say from the heart. You may only know ME by my image on commemorative china. And I might come across to you as a remote figure on your coins and stamps. As such, many people don't think I have feelings. Which is quite hurtful. As Helen Mirren says in the movie, I come from a different generation where we don't just wear our heart on a sleeve.

All in all, I give it four sceptres out of five.

© The Queen

1 comment:

Theocritus said...

Ma'am, I recall when your husband talked about allowing celebrities and homosexuals in the Abbey for Diana's memorial service. Now I, even though I'm a lowly American, and from Texas yet, or we say TAKES-us, I have been known to diddle the odd man and in England too, but I brought him along from Texas, but it wasn't in the Abbey, which I have in point of fact been in. But not to diddle in.

Does Philip know what he's talking about?

I am not a celebrity.